The song by Puff Daddy and Faith Evans for the rapper the
late Notorious BIG, "I'll be missing you." succinctly pulls together
the feelings of loss experienced by anyone who has ever had to deal with the
death of a loved one. My father lost his biological mother at a very young age
and while many heralded the new year with eagerness for bright things to come,
my family had to deal with anguish, loss, confusion and pain. My father's
eldest sister died in her sleep at the age of 65, her demise came with no fore
warning, she was alive and lively just hours before and the next thing I know
is I am jolted out of my bed on the first day of the new school term with news
that she had passed away. The loss of my aunt was the hardest one we have had
to deal with collectively. She was the surrogate mother to all of her siblings
and for a number of years I thought she was my grandmother, since she had
grandchildren who were in and around my own age. Something about today made me
not feel like going to class and as I entered and heard the discussion it
dawned on me. Today my aunt would have celebrated her sixty sixth birthday,
only last year we celebrated with the pomp and flair my family is known for,
her sixty fifth. It's hard not having the matriarch of my paternal family
around. I look at my forty two year old cousin, the one who had the unfortunate
role of being the first to find my aunt's lifeless body and realize that
Kubler-Ross Stages of grief aren't limited by boundaries of age, class, creed
or gender. I know that as family members we try to cushion the loss especially
for him by trying to comfort each other, spending time together and trying to
continue with life as normal as possible. But the truth of the matter is, life
will never be the same again. Family gatherings will never be the same again.
"Limes" will never be the same again and at some point in time we are
all going to have to come to terms with that. Today however doesn't seem as if
it's going to be that day.
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